Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Secrets to Success

In this economy, everyone is looking for any kind of advantage so that they may be propelled to the top and start raking it in. Patience is being sacrifice. Watching TV this evening, I stumbled upon a way that may allow you to become successful.

First, a question. What do the following people--Chef Ramsey, Simon Cowell, Anne Robinson, and Piers Morgan--have in common?

a) They're British
b) They're TV personalities on American shows
c) They're incredibly bitter, angry, self-deprecating, loathing, controlling people
d) All the above

And the answer is, of course, "d." All of them are extraordinarily mean, love being in control, hate stupidity or talent-less people (nothing inherently wrong with that)and all have that stuck-up droning British accent that conveys nothing else except the fact that they are better than you in every way possible, not least becuase they hail from Britannia and sing "God save the Queen" at every opportunity they get. OK, that's a stretch. But, let's be honest, with the exception of the Weakest Link, the game show that Anne Robinson hosted and is no longer on the air, all of these shows are currently successful and draw huge ratings.

But do you honestly believe people tune in to American Idol because these young "singers" actually have talent? Or watch America's Got Talent because they are so in need of seeing the person who can shoot milk out of his nose or pop his eyes out of the socket? Or watch Hell's Kitchen for the latest recipes to try at home? Of course not! No! We watch them because we want to see the stuck-up, angry man from across the pond, in his proud British accent blow up and be extraordinarily hateful to stupid Americans!

So, perhaps, if you want to get ahead in this turbulent time, pass yourself off as British! Hey, if Madonna can do it, maybe you can, too and get a TV reality-show deal out of it. It's just a thought!

No comments: